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Monthly Archives: December 2011

Baby’s First Christmas

This was our baby girl’s first Christmas,  I spent the day being so happy and thankful that she is here with us, that she is so happy and sweet, that she is able to share this wonderful day with us.  Santa always goes a bit overboard with my son and now with baby as well.  We had a wonderful day, it was a little too quiet.  I don’t know every year Christmas comes and goes and I always say it doesn’t feel like Christmas, it just doesn’t feel like it.  I thought that with everything my daughter had been through that this was the year, this is when I was going to feel “it”.  Well Christmas came and went and I never felt “it”, I am not even sure what “it” is anymore.
My husband says since I have had Leah, I have become a different person in a good way,  I have opened up more, made friends, learned to enjoy going out, started appreciating myself more, learned to let people in and to let people help me and to care about me, I guess I was always a pretty tough nut to crack, maybe I still am who knows.  Anyway  I will say this, for me to become very good friends with someone at 34 years old was a HUGE step for me.  I have been so closed off to people in the past 6 or 7 years that I swore I would never let anyone in, not give anyone the chance to hurt me.  So Leah has taught me to live, taught me to appreciate friendships, to enjoy people, to enjoy spending time with people.  She has taught me to love, to love my family, to love my friends, to love myself.  She has errupted a creativity in me, a yearning to learn, to do, to feel like I have never done before.
In the past 5 months I have grown as a person, I have become someone that I am starting to appreciate, I am starting to admire, I am starting to even like every now and then.
In the past I used to believe that people only hung out with me because they felt the had to or that they felt sorry for me, now I believe that I am just as good a person as they are and just as I value the time that I spend with them, they value the time they spend with me, I am worth spending time with.  I have become a person that wants to improve myself, I have become a person who wants to have fun and try new things.  My husband jokes and tells me he doesn’t know who I am anymore, but I believe that he enjoys all the things I have found in myself, this new found confidence that I am worthy of love, worthy of friendship, worthy of good things in my life.

Is this what the feeling of Christmas is?  I am not really sure, but I am certain that it has to do with the love I feel for my husband and children, for the feeling of knowing myself and knowing I am worth all the love they have to give me in return.  Leah has definitely opened my eyes this Christmas, I am a wonderful person who deserves to be treated well, to experience all life has to offer and to have fun while I am doing it. And in the magic of Christmas for years to come I plan on experiencing life and having fun with my husband, my kids, my family and my friends.  So here’s to 2011, you were a difficult year to say the least, but with you came lessons of life, love and friendship that I will cherish always.  I look forward to 2012 with a new hope and a new lease on life and all it will bring our way.  I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and held your loved ones a little tighter, and let your friends know how much they mean to you.

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Eve, I am so happy and so thankful to be sharing this wonderful holiday with my two beautiful children, my amazing husband and my parents.  As I have said before and will probably say thousands of times, I have so much to be thankful for, this year has been one of the worst and one of the best years of my life all wrapped up into one.  Having one of the most scariest births I can imagine, learning of my daughter’s diagnosis, going through her surgery and watching her get through it all has been the experience of a lifetime.  She has amazed me and has continued to amaze me each and everyday.  I look so forward to making wonderful memories with my family, ones that my children will look back on each and every year.

I am so thankful for the wonderful friendships I have made this year,without them I do not know where I would be.  I am blessed to have such wonderful and caring people in my life. So on this Christmas Eve, hug your loved ones tight, tell them how much you love them and look to the bright future that is ahead.

Thankful for My Parents

I guess it has been a few days since I have blogged.  Sorry about that folks, I know you are just sitting on pins and needles waiting for the next installment of life according to me.  To be honest things have been just the way I like them, very quiet. 
I realized today how thankful I am for my parents, they have helped us so much in the past 4 months, if it wasn’t for them I would have had to deal with everything in the hospital by myself, but because of them my husband was able stay in the hospital with me, they gave us that special time together with our daughter and I will never be able to repay them or thank them enough for that.  They have helped us in so many ways, I cannot thank them enough.
My dad is there for me so much, and I thank God for him each and every day, he has helped me so much this school year, I will never be able to repay him.
Sometimes you don’t realize how much your parents truly love you, but it is during those times when they really step up to the plate and help you in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine, that you realize how much you mean to them, how much your husband means to them and how much your children mean to them.

So I hope this Christmas you will show those that you love how much they mean to you, don’t just tell someone you care, show them through your help, your actions.

Happy Birthday Jen

So my cousin Jen and I grew up together.  We are 11 months apart and did everything together as children, she was and still is the sister I never had and a true friend to me.  Funny thing we realized is that my son and her daughter are also 11 months apart, and the two of them are kindred spirits, from the moment they met they were best of friends.  It is so nice to see our families growing together and to share it all with each other.  So on today December 16, I wish my cousin Jen a most wonderful and happiest of birthdays.  You deserve the best, so I hope you enjoyed your birthday and here’s to many many more.  With much love and admiration, your cousin and friend always.

HO HO HO

So it is that time of year that I love so much.  The lights, the decorations, the presents all wrapped, the cards, the music, I have so much in my life to be thankful for wonderful husband who loves me and takes care of me, two wonderful children, parents that would do anything for me, and family and friends who are always there for me and love me.  Really what more could a girl ask for?
 I think that this year it is safe to say that I am madly, deeply, hopelessly in love with Christmas.  The surprise, excitement and glee in my son’s eyes make me so happy inside I could melt and those little bright baby eyes, staring at the Christmas lights and ornaments, and that little baby mouth smiling at me is enough to make me swoon.  They are my gift this Christmas, and I wish that gift for everyone, I wish everyone could have one day, just one where they can feel the love I feel for my family and friends.  I am so blessed that my baby girl is here with us today, and she is doing so well, and she will be celebrating her First Christmas. I am so happy to have all the worry, sadness and fright behind us, so glad that she will be sharing all the fun times with us, so glad she has a wonderful, fabulous, beautiful life ahead of her and I can’t wait to share it all with her and my son.  This weekend we will partake in some of my most favorite activities, last minute Christmas Shopping, gingerbread house creating, crafting, just fun, and good times. Can’t wait.

The Best Christmas Gift Of All

My little girl amazes me each and every day.  Today we had to go to the hospital for an x-ray to find out if the chylothorax has emerged its ugly head.  There were about 25 people waiting there when we arrived and I thought “Oh no we are going to be here all day.” but we no sooner gave our name to the lady at the desk and our name was called. The people must have been upset because the tech who came to get us said “she’s a baby and can’t be exposed to germs.”  Thank you God for kind people, and I am sorry we aggrivated a few people but I was so happy that we were in and out.

We waited all day and 5 minutes ago got the phone call that the x-ray looks great and she has no restrictions.  The cardiologist likes to tallk to the baby on the phone it’s very funny, I held the phone to her ear and she let out a laugh and a big smile, she loves her doctor.  He then said the words I have been longing to hear since the moment she was born, “It is the holidays and your baby is happy and healthy, enjoy her, enjoy your family and have a wonderful holiday.” I could have kissed him.  I am so happy I might just burst, I honestly do not remember ever feeling this happy, or at least I have not felt happieness to this magnitude for a very long time.  This is the best Christmas gift that anyone can ever give me, I have my 2 children, they are happy and healthy and no matter how much I will worry about hospital bills and whether she is okay or not, I will enjoy my family this holiday because I am so blessed to have them all in my life. I am truly, deeply blessed.

DISNEY WORLD

So okay I will admit, I have a little bit of an obsession with Disneyworld.  It is the only place I ever want to go on vacation. I mean who wouldn’t they have it all.  I have been over 20 times in my life, my husband has been there 3 times (we went on our honeymoon), and my son has been there twice.  So after having gone through all we have in the past 4 months, what do I want to do, well plan a trip to Disneyworld of course, that’s where we go to celebrate, where we go to enjoy ourselves, where we can lose ourselves in the magic and not have to face reality for a couple of weeks.

Danny loves everything about Disney, he was hooked from the moment he entered the Magic Kingdom for the first time.  He loves as do I the magic the whole place gives you.  I cannot wait to share all the wonder and excitement of Disney with our little girl.  I hope she will have as much fun as we all do.
I enjoy every minute of it, I love planning every detail of our trip, from whether we will fly or drive, to the resort we will stay in, to all the breakfast, lunch or dinner reservations.  We also see the shows, firework displays, and parades.  We love all the rides from the Tea Cups to Space Mountain. I know I sound like a Disney Infomercial. But what can I say we are just crazy about the place, so off I go to plan our next magical vacation.

Elf on the Shelf

So our doorbell rang last night.  My son and I opened the door and we could hear jingle bells ringing in the distance.  My son gasped and said “Santa!” On the ground was a little elf and a storybook accompanying him.  My son grabbed the book ran to his room and said “come on mom let’s read the book and see what Santa wants us to do with him.”  We read the book and my son decided to name his elf Frisbee.
Frisbee caused a little bit of mischief last night and we are so excited to see what he is going to do next.

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day or Is It?

“I’m having a horrible day.”  We hear it all the time right?  It’s raining and you forgot your umbrella, you missed your train, the alarm clock failed to wake you up after  pushing snooze for the 10th time, you got a flat tire, someone was rude to you, you spilled your cup of coffee on your white blouse, someone cut you off on the highway, you just feel plain old grouchy.  We’ve all been there, we’ve all said it, but are you really having a bad day or is it not as bad as you think it is?  It’s all perspective I guess, what you think is an awful day might seem like a piece of cake compared to what I am dealing with on a particular day.  I can honestly say that I know what a Bad Day is, it is giving birth and them telling you your baby has down syndrome and several holes in her heart which can only be fixed with surgery.  A Bad Day is when your baby is too weak to eat from her failing heart.  A bad day is handing your baby over to men in scrubs, knowing they are about to cut into her chest, stop her heart from beating, allowing  a machine to live for her, yes indeed that would be a terrible day.  A horrible day is walking into a room where a baby lies before you, it is her name above her crib but you recognize nothing about her except the deep brown hair on her head, she is so swollen and orange from the iodine they spread all over her little body.  A horrible day is when my baby girl stopped breathing right before my eyes, and the doctors had to stick a tube down her throat to breath for her.  I am pretty sure that under the title of bad, horrible, terrible days these kind of days would be first on the list.
So when something goes wrong in your life that is really just an inconvienece that is really all it is.  It’s really not terrible, maybe it is to you at the time but always know how lucky you are to have those little blips in life, because when you really truly think about it, that’s all they really are.  I am guilty of complaining about the little nuisances in life, like 1:00 doctor’s appointments that turn into 2:30, or the people behind the counter that completely ignore me like I am not even standing there, or people who cut me off on the highway, or not getting enought sleep.  But since my precious angel came into my life, I have realized she has had more to go through and is so entitled to complain and whine each and every day about what she has had to endure, but she doesn’t she just smiles so bright she lights up a room, and it is that smile that reminds me of what a really bad day is and I thank her for making all of my days seem so much more brighter.

So Little Yet So Strong

 My baby girl is 4 months old and has been through so much.  She is my hero and I am thankful to be her mommy each and every day.So my little girl is thriving, she is getting so big and is eating so much more.  She tries to roll over, she doesn’t quite make it all the way over but she is getting there.  She tried cereal for the first time today and I think she really liked it of course more ended up on the bib than in her mouth but that’s okay.  She had to get shots, I hate to see her in pain like that but I would rather her cry now than to get a terrible disease.  As I saw how big she got today at the pediatrician I thought back to when we were in the hospital and never thought we would get here.  Everyone kept telling us that we were going to look back on that experience and wonder how in the world we got through it. I am reminded of all the wonderful doctors and nurses that we encountered each and every day.

We owe these people so very much for allowing our baby to have a life, to have her first Christmas, to have so many more firsts.